I asked because I trust the both of you. And because...if I was wrong, I trusted you both would stop me and tell me so.
[ Hubert is her first Imprint, who knows her fears and her history, who has been willing to see all of the ways in which she has wronged others and pushed her to be better. Pom trusts her, yes, but he also knows what the darkest side of people looks like; if she was veering into the wrong place, she hoped he would tell her.
But she does fear that he will excuse her darkness, too, because he has placed his faith in her. ]
Not everyone can make calls like that, like what we did. Jayce... Jayce was unhappy when he heard, and angry that I didn't reach out to him. But he has trusted me to make these decisions and I will continue to do so, because we do not need all of our number to carry the worst of what we may have to do.
[ And if she has it her way, Pom won't need to carry more than this. Hubert won't need to, either. ]
[Pom likes to think he would have stopped her too, but these days, he's not so sure. As strong as his convictions as a hunter can be at times, he's also all too aware of what lengths he'd go to for the people he's come to care for. Last month showed him that time and time again.]
He's got a lot on his plate, too. [Figuring out the mysteries behind the Katalyth, understanding the Augmenters, changing the locks in their house every so often because people keep breaking in...] All the science-types do, and not everyone needs to get their hands dirty the way we have... the way we might have to yet.
There are people here who are tenderhearted that I want to protect from what may come next. I know it's impossible to keep them shielded from everything that may happen, but Jayce and Viktor... Their dreams are fragile here. They've worked so hard. Jayce balances the world on his shoulders.
[ And so if the world breaks apart, he will only blame himself, and she cannot see him broken again. Viktor is an extension of this, his own person, but he is intrinsically tied to that dream for however long they may have him. ]
Many among us want to see the best outcome. I don't begrudge them that. It's their hope that will keep us going. But what this place is doing, the cruelty enacted upon them... They don't need to get their hands dirty either.
[ And while she doesn't think of Pom as tenderhearted in the slightest, she does want to protect his heart as well for as long as she can manage. ]
They can leave it to us, then. We'll do what we have to do to keep them going.
[It wouldn't be the first time for Pom, who once gave everything up for a single person. While he's never considered himself fragile, even he recognizes that he hides so much of his fears behind his persona - who he has to be, what he wants people to see rather than the fragmented man beneath. Doing cruel things changes a person: he's sure Mel knows, even if he doesn't want that for her.]
Just... make sure you take care of yourself, okay? With what might be coming, with what we might have to face down the road as a consequence. There are folks here who care about you.
[ She shouldn't have said anything. Pom follows up with 'we' and she realizes that telling him has just secured his cooperation and his sacrifice even if that's not what she wanted for him. He even turns the worry around on her. Every instinct tells her to try to push him away or...or at least insist he shouldn't be worried and shouldn't care, and that it would be easier for him down the road.
But they promised, didn't they? To learn to be friends with one another, to watch one another's backs. And she's already tried pushing Jayce away, with poor enough results; can she afford to do that to Pom as well?
...Can she manage to put him at arms' length at this point without tearing her heart in two? ]
I know. I know you do.
[ It's said gently, similarly quiet, like a secret. ]
I care for you too. I know you wish to protect me, as I want to do the same for you. It's not the Imprint. [ She has to believe it's not. ] You have to take care of yourself as well. You think people don't care but I know they do.
Hold me accountable, and I'll do the same for you.
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[ Hubert is her first Imprint, who knows her fears and her history, who has been willing to see all of the ways in which she has wronged others and pushed her to be better. Pom trusts her, yes, but he also knows what the darkest side of people looks like; if she was veering into the wrong place, she hoped he would tell her.
But she does fear that he will excuse her darkness, too, because he has placed his faith in her. ]
Not everyone can make calls like that, like what we did. Jayce... Jayce was unhappy when he heard, and angry that I didn't reach out to him. But he has trusted me to make these decisions and I will continue to do so, because we do not need all of our number to carry the worst of what we may have to do.
[ And if she has it her way, Pom won't need to carry more than this. Hubert won't need to, either. ]
no subject
He's got a lot on his plate, too. [Figuring out the mysteries behind the Katalyth, understanding the Augmenters, changing the locks in their house every so often because people keep breaking in...] All the science-types do, and not everyone needs to get their hands dirty the way we have... the way we might have to yet.
I lost this somehow???
[ And so if the world breaks apart, he will only blame himself, and she cannot see him broken again. Viktor is an extension of this, his own person, but he is intrinsically tied to that dream for however long they may have him. ]
Many among us want to see the best outcome. I don't begrudge them that. It's their hope that will keep us going. But what this place is doing, the cruelty enacted upon them... They don't need to get their hands dirty either.
[ And while she doesn't think of Pom as tenderhearted in the slightest, she does want to protect his heart as well for as long as she can manage. ]
No worries at all! Notifs have been a m e s s
[It wouldn't be the first time for Pom, who once gave everything up for a single person. While he's never considered himself fragile, even he recognizes that he hides so much of his fears behind his persona - who he has to be, what he wants people to see rather than the fragmented man beneath. Doing cruel things changes a person: he's sure Mel knows, even if he doesn't want that for her.]
Just... make sure you take care of yourself, okay? With what might be coming, with what we might have to face down the road as a consequence. There are folks here who care about you.
[A beat, and then quieter:]
I care about you.
no subject
But they promised, didn't they? To learn to be friends with one another, to watch one another's backs. And she's already tried pushing Jayce away, with poor enough results; can she afford to do that to Pom as well?
...Can she manage to put him at arms' length at this point without tearing her heart in two? ]
I know. I know you do.
[ It's said gently, similarly quiet, like a secret. ]
I care for you too. I know you wish to protect me, as I want to do the same for you. It's not the Imprint. [ She has to believe it's not. ] You have to take care of yourself as well. You think people don't care but I know they do.
Hold me accountable, and I'll do the same for you.