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[opposed]

@medarda

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[glub]

im the same as always

[ the fact that she can recall all of that probably meant she wasn’t either, but even that’s not really a comfort. ]

id be more concerned about a certain someone who seems to have a habit of spreading herself too thin actually

[ a joke. but, that’s the vibe he got from their previous encounters. like she spent too much time considering all the variables and how to navigate not just her own feelings but other people’s, as well. he supposed it was evident even in the grace she showed him. ]

[opposed]

[ She has something to say about 'the same as always', though she keeps it to herself for the time being. The truth is that she doesn't think anyone walked away from the past few weeks unchanged, unless they truly had no feeling for it. Regardless, ]

How terrible. It sounds like you know someone pretty irresponsible.

[ Look, she can poke fun at herself. ]

I'm fine, if that's what you're asking. I didn't spend a week being torn apart by scientists only to have my memories taken.

[glub]

yeahhhh but what can i say
someones gotta be the mature adult here

[ it's not actually him.

but, her touch of humor in return does alleviate some of his concerns. ]

yeah same here
i think the fact we can both say this means we werent part of it
but sometimes thats hard too [ hard in a different way. ]

[opposed]

[ A shame they're not in person. He'd at least see the smile and hear the faint snort. ]

I imagine people you cared for were taken, the same as me, and there was so little we could do.

[ Whether he chooses to call them that is up to him. ]

The amount of control those people have over us is [ Horrifying. ] infuriating.
It can't happen again.

[glub]

[ he want to correct her, but he finds ... maybe he doesn't want to. ]

i agree

but sometimes the more you lay out your cards
the more dangerous it is

its not a burden for everyone

[opposed]

Of course it is.
The more you show your hand, the more vulnerable you are.

[ The easier one can know what you're hiding, what you're holding, what you're willing to give up. ]

I don't think the presence of others or bonds with them are a burden.

[ She thinks her feelings are, however. ]

[glub]

theyre not ?
you sound so convinced

but i cant imagine youre the type to share whats on your mind either

juuuust an observation tho

[ he knows he's not any better. ]

[opposed]

Other people aren't burdens to me.
How I feel about them is.

[ She can be honest about that much, even if that's...not actually sharing what's on her mind. ]

Do you feel differently, that people and their attachments can be burdensome?

[ A genuine question, though text might make it hard to see it that way. ]

[glub]

how you feel about them huh
is that more of burden to yourself or them

[ it's less punitive, and more... curious. ]

i think the process of allowing someone into your world can be a huge burden on them like they say what people see is usually just the tip of the iceberg

maybe if people also see beyond all of that
theres no guarantee theyll like it

[opposed]

Do you think it's a burden even if that's what they asked for?

If someone comes to you, for instance, and says they want to know you, all of you, the real you...
Is it still a burden to them if they look behind the curtain, even if that's what they asked for?

[ Of course there's never a guarantee that people will like what's on offer. That's part of the risk. Does someone like you for the mask you wear, the front you display, or are they truly interested in the person that's beneath? And will they know the answer without allowing for that risk to be taken? ]

[glub]

isnt it easy to say youll accept all of someone when you dun actually know what that looks like and cant see what path thatll lead you towards

even if they turned away no one could blame them

besides do you think someone like that is out there

is that a risk you would take

[opposed]

[ Her thoughts stray, of course, to Jayce and Viktor. For all that she knows they care so much for one another, they still circle some of the most difficult of conversations, back and forth, push and pull. She can't say if it's a lack of acceptance in each other or if it's stubbornness. And her? She can hardly stand herself these days; it's hard to ask anyone to accept all of the pieces she hides away.

Mel sighs as she types back. ]

Of course it's easy to make promises like that, that you will accept someone wholly as themselves regardless of who and what they are. It's the same as telling someone 'I'll do everything I can' or 'I won't let anyone hurt you.'

[ Promises that can't be kept, good intentions or not. ]

I think there are people out there who want to accept the people around them wholly. I think they try. But we are human and prone to mistakes.

Is it a risk you would take, Rafayel?

[glub]

[ despite defaulting to the notion that no one could possibly understand him. he somehow gets the impression, at least from her words, that she may have not know him specifically, but she understood the words he speaks all too well. perhaps, experience speaks volumes.

it's equal parts poignant, and thought, and .... also a bit unnerving for him. ]

i think that might be the problem actually

[ that they're humans.

not that he believes lemurians to be as flawless of a society as rumors and age old tales tell, but that they were intrinsically different from humans. isn't that why why their home was regaled as an utopia? ]

that depends on who its with

are you trying

[opposed]

[ That's an odd way of framing it, she thinks, and she holds on to that for another time. Likely Rafayel won't appreciate being prodded about it. ]

I am not a very accepting or trusting creature. I don't expect others to accept me. I try to only understand.

[ It would nice to be seen for who she is, flaws and all, and to be acknowledged. It would be nice if someone would be able to do that for her. But she can't promise the same back to them and she knows there is plenty about her that is unlovable. It's too much to ask of others. ]

Is there someone you wish would be like that towards you?

[glub]

thats still better than most
because in the end the other person probably isnt thinking about being accepted anyway

[ isn't it enough not to be hated?

he thinks it and yet he isn't sure if that's what he really means.

at the question— ]

no but is there anyone who doesnt want to be understood

[opposed]

I can think of a few. But perhaps being understood is still a part of what they want.

[ Her mother's ambition and thirst for legacy; Silco's desire to destroy the system that's taken from him. She can see, if shifted and looked through a different light and lens, how that would look like wanting to be seen for how they wish to be understood. Still. ]

You're an artist, Rafayel.
You know what it means to see things, to see people, as they are.

[ It's a type of understanding. And, in a way, it's a kind of acceptance too: to see a person or a place for all they are, all they were, and all they could be. ]

[glub]

maybe
but sometimes we see things maybe we arent meant to

[ ... and he knows from seeing the depth of human cruelty, he isn't sure if he can ever reconcile those differences. not that he holds contempt for every human, but that his own feelings were as murky and chaotic as the deep seas. ]

but id like to think youre right
even criticism is another form of understanding

this got kind of serious but i guess what im saying is

[ that he might have trusted in her words, just a little. ]

i wasnt lying when i said id help you if you needed
aaand just in case you forgot youre an artist too miss mel

[opposed]

[ He isn’t wrong about that. And in a world where people can be made into animals and monsters, and monsters so readily masquerade as human, it’s difficult to reconcile what she’s seen and understood with how she wishes things would be. For all that she’s seen the darkness of people’s hearts in her home as well as in Piltover… Well, perhaps hope springs eternal. Or perhaps she’s still deluded enough to think she can control the situation.

A fact she knows isn’t true in the slightest. ]

I also seem to recall you helped me previously. Kept me safe, even.

[ He can call it what he wants but she knows what she saw. ]

Have you met Hugo, by any chance?

[glub]

[ it's weird to be told that in a context like this.

not that he hasn't ever helped others, but that he's never felt so spotlighted on it until now. ]

if i recall its because a certain someone was pretty set on saving the city
i couldnt exactly leave her behind

[ is all he'll say to that, but at this moment he's pretty glad this isn't in person. it's also why he welcomes the sudden question. ]

i have
youre asking because of his interest in the arts right

[opposed]

And I am grateful you helped me.

[ It was only two, nearly three short months ago, and yet... And yet, it feels like everything's changed since. ]

Yes. He's going to have an art gallery.
I imagine he's looking for work to display.
You could have some of your work up and maybe for sale.
I haven't seen anything of yours yet, by the way, and I'd still like to.

[glub]

i
well it wasnt too hard

[ it really does... ]

yeah he seemed passionate
even tho i cant tell if the vampire thing is like a bit

i dun show just anyone my art
but if its miss mel i could show her a thing or two yeah
im curious if youve created something new too

[opposed]

I can't say, frankly.

[ Because that would be betraying his confidence. And also...vampires in Runeterra? ]

I can show you some of mine, that's no issue.
I drew a great deal in September but it was mostly sketches while a friend of mine was unresponsive for weeks.

Actual paintings... I have a few I can show you.

[glub]

no worries i was just curious on my own
it wouldnt matter either way

[ considering... he also isn't human. ]

im sorry that must have been hard
from the sounds of it are they okay now

sure when should i expect to see them

[opposed]

I can send you pictures now.
If you want to see them in person, that's at your leisure.

[ And true to form, she sends over a series of attached images in the next text. There's a painting of the bridge town, another of the park in Karteria. A third painting is of the center of town in Kelesis in a riot of color. The last is of the sea by the bridge itself, specifically capturing how the waves brush up against the structure. ]

And yes, he's all right now.
We think it was partially his other soul. And partially stress.

[glub]

thats good news think the last couple weeks shook us all up
so wishing him an even better recover

but i seeeee at my own leisure huh
you know that sounds like an invitation

[ despite the joke, he does take time thumbing through the photos she sent. it's hard, he thinks. he can't quite envision how the colors would appear to the naked eye as opposed of the barrier of the device that's currently between them. though, if he had to say, his eyes linger on the sea by the bridge. ]

btw i liked what you did with the waves
it captured the volatility of the seas well
did the waters inspire you